Coping with a child with autism can be very difficult. On this page you will find tips to handle some of the difficult behaviours.
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Behaviour has a function and that there could be a number of reasons for it. your child may have difficulty in processing information; may be over-sensitive or under-sensitive to something; there may have been a change in routine; the child may be feeling unwell, tired or hungry. If you do not understand this the child may become anxious, angery or frustrated when unable to communicate with you. This may lead to an outburst of difficult behaviour. It is important to bear in mind that your child’s difficult behaviour is not your fault and that there is a reason for the behaviour which needs to be identified.
It is really important to try and keep as calm as possible so that your child is unable to ‘feed’ off your reaction. It is also important to be consistent in your approach and for the other adults around to use the same consistent approach, so that your child does not get mixed messages and can be really clear about what is expected.
Children with an Autism are often strong visual learners and can have difficulties with short-term memory. It can be very effective to use visual supports such as pictures, to help your child really understand the information.
Using rewards and motivators can help to persuade your child finish a task that they do not want to do, or to encourage a particular behaviour. Even if the behaviour or task is very short, eg one minute, if it is followed by lots of praise and a reward, the child learns what behaviour is acceptable. But if the undesirable behaviour is met with a lack of attention and redirection, it is likely to stop.
Spitting
| Possible reasons:enjoys the reaction from an adult or another child around themis looking for attention/interactionhas difficulty swallowing and/or may be producing too much salivalikes to play with the saliva and enjoys the way it feelsuses the behaviour to avoid doing something. | Strategies for management:avoid making eye contact with your childplay this behaviour down as much as possiblelimit verbal communicationwipe away the saliva as soon as it happensdo not give your child attentionredirect them to a more appropriate activityprovide alternative sensory activites, eg water play, finger painting, etcgive your child lots of positive attention for doing a more appropriate activitygive them a sweet or something to suck to keep their mouth busymake sure they understand what is expected and redirect them to a visual timetable. |
Pinching, kicking, slapping
| Possible reasons:frustration at not being able to communicatedifficulty waiting for something, because of difficulty with concept of time and abstract thinkingan unfamiliar persona change in routineover-sensitivity to noise, crowds, smells, touch, sightunder-sensitivity – the child may be seeking out sensory input from pinching or slappingfeeling unwell, tired, hungry, thirsty, uncomfortablenot wanting to do something. | Strategies for management:use visual supports to help with communication and show your child the sequence of events and routine for the dayprepare for meeting unfamiliar people by showing photographs of them and introducing them in small stages. Tell your child when they will see them, using visual supportprepare for any changes in routineuse ear plugs to block out noise and sunglasses to reduce light, and reduce strong smells, replacing them with smells that your child preferscreate opportunities for sensory stimulation, eg . pinching play-dough, clapping hands, singing a clapping song/rhyme, kicking a football or punch bagreward your child for doing something they don’t want to do, straight after the desirable behavioursay in a calm, monotone voice, without showing emotion: “(Child’s name) hands down/feet down. No pinching, slapping, kicking” and then redirect them. |
Smearing self with fecal matter
| Possible reasons:feeling unwell or in painreluctant to wipe because toilet paper may be too harshseeking out sensation from texture, smell or movement of arms during smearing actionattention seeking/wanting a reactionnot knowing where faeces needs to gofear of toilets. | Strategies for management:provide an alternative with the same texture, eg papier-mâché, gelibaf, gloop (cornflour and water), finger painting, play-dough, etcmake a structured timetable of the day, showing times when your child can do appropriate smearing activitiestake your child to the GP to make sure that there are no physical reasons involved, like being in painif your child does not understand the wiping process, teach them ‘hand over hand’if the toilet paper is too harsh for your child’s sensitive skin, wet wipes could be a gentler alternativeavoid asking your child to clear up after themselves, as they may interpret this as being a rewardavoid paying too much attention or showing too much reactiondo not tell them off, as this can be seen as reinforcement of the behaviouruse minimal interaction and alternative cleaning-up methods, like baby wipes or a tepid showerset up a toileting routine |
Hair pulling
| Possible reasons:seeking out a reaction from an adultlooking for attentionhaving difficulty meeting new and unfamiliar peopleseeking out or avoiding a sensory input, eg the smell of the person or the noises they make. | Strategies for management:tie long hair backavoid giving your child a reactiondo not talk to themdo not make eye contactdistract them by, eg, tickling them or giving positive reinforcementredirect them to a more appropriate activityprepare your child when introducing them to unfamiliar peoplegive opportunities to satisfy the pulling sensation they may enjoy, eg ‘row your boat’ game, tug of war, climbing up a rope, etc. |
Biting
| Possible reasons:looking for attentionseeking out sensory input to the mouthfrustration at not being able to communicate something that is causing distress and to get it to stop, or struggling to get needs metreacting to something going on in the environment, eg too much noisepain in the mouth or teeth. | Strategies for management:rule out any medical or dental reasons for the bitingimprove communication: “(Child’s name), no biting”use visual supports – use a ‘no biting’ symbol and a picture symbol showing what to do instead of bitingincrease structured activitiesreduce noise levels or other sensory stimuli that your child could find upsettingprovide alternative things to bite, eg chewy tubes (see our ‘Biting’ information sheet)look at anger/emotions management and create opportunities for your child to relaxredirect them to a more appropriate activityreward appropriate behaviour, eg “(Child’s name), that’s good sharing with your sister”, and give a reward as soon as you see appropriate behaviour, to encourage it to continue. |
Eating unwanted things
| Possible reasons:not understanding which items are edible and inedibleseeking out sensory input – the texture or the taste of the itemrelieving anxiety or stressseeking attentiongetting out of doing something. | Strategies for management:replace the inappropriate item with an appropriate alternative of a similar texture, eg a crunchy carrot stick if your child chews on things like stones or sticksprovide other forms of stimulation for the mouth, eg chewy tubes, popcorn, chewing gum, etcset up a sorting activity for your child to sort edible and inedible itemsconsider any vitamin or mineral deficienciesreward your child for putting edible items in their mouthuse pictures to encourage your child to put appropriate items in their mouth and reward themincrease the amount of structured activities your child does and distract and divert their attention. |
Difficult behaviour can often be defused by physical activity such as running around the house in a chasing game, that releases energy or pent-up anger or anxiety.
